What a stupid word. Serioously – you can tell that a human came up with it. What does it even mean?? (I turn and bark at Mom.)
“Mom? What does BLOG mean? And while I’m asking what exactly is a BLOGSPOT?”
Her answer is unsatifactory. Something about lonely geeky boys and boring articles that no one reads. That can not be right. My friends Foley Montser & Pocket have a BLOG and they are pretty freaking cool. My old friend Teddy had a BLOG and he was ONE. COOL. GUY. I can not trust Mom’s definition of BLOG, so I’ll have to look it up. Be right back. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.
♫♫ Elevator-style hold music♫♫
OK. I’m back. Here is what I found –
BLOG – A blog is a personal diary. A daily pulpit. A collaborative space. A political soapbox. A breaking-news outlet. A collection of links. Your own private thoughts. Memos to the world.
WHOA! Nobody told me this. COOL! I LOVE a good pulpit! I am excellent on standing a soapbox and barking. A memo to the world? I am so so in!
Today is a pretty great day to start writing memos to the world too. Big events happened in my neighborhorhood.
Another dog moved in next door.
A *tan* puggle.
This is war.
Now I like a neighbor dog as much as anydoggy, but seriously – the neighborhood is not big enough to hold TWO puggles. And frankly, I am the more handsome of the two. So I barked at him “GET OUT OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD!”
He just sat there. Staring me down with his beady puggle eyes. So I tried again “HEY YOU! WRINKLE FACE! SCRAM.”
He didn’t flinch. In fact, he had the audacity to stick out his teeth and show me his underbite. Now it is on! Always the stategic puggle, I wasn’t letting him get the better of me. I fell back. Regrouped. I was going to need a plan.
I woke up Felix. He told me I was being an idiot. “Better get used to being second best, Roly Poly. The only thing cuter than a puggle, is a puggle puppy!” Then he yawned and went back to sleep. My brother is a real jerk sometimes.
I don’t really remember what happened next, Mommy was calling me, there may have been a Greenie – I must have blacked out because I actually forgot about the little snotty puggle next door. But then we went for our evening walk and it was good until we hit the alley behind our house. There at the end of the alley was that puggle. Spoiling MY walk. In MY neighborhood.
(Cue old western style style music. You know that weird whistley sound followed by the guitar strings? Can a blog have a soundtrack???)
I walked right up to him. Looked him up and down. Tried to be intimidating.
“Carter.” I greet him. (Yeah – his name is Carter. After Nick Carter. The Backstreet Boy. How freaking ridiculous eh?)
Anyways, I greet him. “Carter.”
“Kolchak.” He replies cooly.
“That’s Mr. Night Stalker to you, you whippersnapper.” I bark. “And this town ain’t big enough for the two of enough.”
He was so scared, he pee’d. HA! I AM TERRIFYING! I MADE HIM PEE!!
The Moms were done talking and they are tried to walk away, but there were were. Locked in one spot. In a death match of wills. Neither one willing to break.
Mom pulls my leash. “Koly, lets move.” I stare Carter down. She tried again “Kolchak, let’s move.” I bark right at Carter. She tries something new, “Kolchak! Popcorn!”
POPCORN? What are we waiting for?? LET’S MOVE! I turn tail and dance down the alley, almost tasting the sweet, delicious, crunchy, amazing poppycorns in my mouth.
I’ll have to break the little puggle’s spirit another day. Right now – it’s time for a snack.