–verb (used with object)
1. to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert: to abandon one’s farm; to abandon a child; to abandon a sinking ship.
I, Kolchak T Puggle, have been abandoned. Mommy has left me completely and finally. I have been forsaken utterly. I am sad and neglected and BAROOOOOOOOOOO! Woe is me!
Mama is the one who abandoned me. I remember the days when we would sleep in, go for a walk and then chow down a lovely home cooked breakfast before Mama would go off to work.
I remember her returning home, while the sun was still high in the afternoon sky and romping in the yard. Chasing the ball and then snuggling by her feet as she chopped vegetables for dinner. Me and Mom were best friends. Inseperable. We went together like PB&J. The glory days. *cue Bryan Adam’s Summer of ’69 playing* “Those were the best days of my life, BAAAAARROOOOOOOO”
Well, that was then, this is now. Now our day goes a little something like this:
6:30 – that alarm goes off. After my initial undognified, flailing panic attack, I start nosing Mama in the neck, eye, inner thigh regions with my very cold, very wet puggle nose trying to gain her attention. She remains practically dead. In fact, on Friday, I had to hold my pocketwatch to her mouth to see if it fogged over. Eventually, Daddy reaches over her and hits the snooze button.
6:45 – More alarm. More flailing. More cold nose in inappropriate places. More Mom playing dead B freakin’ S. Finally, Daddy can’t take the racket anymore and he snaps. “JO! Your alarm is obnoxious, either turn it off, call in sick and go back to bed or GET UP. Mom grumbles some unrepeatable vague threats under her breath and gets up.
6:47 AM- Mom tosses some cold, hard,kibble into a bowl. It doesn’t go in our eggs, it isn’t served with chicken chunks, it doesn’t even have GRAVY?! What the bark? I am starving at this point, so I manage to gag some down, but trust me. I am not happy about it.
7:07 AM – Mom is late. She throws on some ensemble, but she is still half asleep, so she often ends up looking like a cross between a gypsy and a hobo. This is not a good look for Mom. She rushes from the house, cursing under her breath, often forgetting her lunch and most important and tragically, without snuggling ME?! I NEED MY SNUGGLE TIME! My day is cooold and empty without a cuddle from Mom.** I need that reassurance. I need it.
7:08 AM – Without that good morning snuggle, I spend all day listless and bored. Wondering just when my Mommy will return and if she will love me then. I sleep, cry and fuss I am lost without my Mom. Nana is home, but she is not my Mama. I WANT MY MAMA!**
4:30 PM: Daddy comes home. Daddy is OK, but daddy is not Mom either. I WANT MY MAMA. This time of day is not a complete loss. Daddy feeds us, but again, it is cold, hard, boring kibble. He usually spices it up by giving us some sort of forbidden treat that would make Mama’s head spin around and pea soup spit out – like a piece of bacon or a pizza crust. Even with these treats, I am sad – I don’t need bacon. I *need* my Mommy.**
9:30 PM – Having played ALL DAY at her friend Job’s house, then gone to visit GG in the hospital, and eating delicious cafeteria food, Mama finally returns home. OH JOY! RAPTURE! I HAVE SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR AGAIN! YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY! **
9:31 PM – Mom immediately places everything in the washer and climbs in the shower. Something about an infection superbug. All I know is for the moment, I have been abandoned AGAIN.
9:45 PM – Mom gets out of the shower and climbs directly into bed. Falls dead asleep immediately. This is total BS!
**As my Mam is my typist, some details may have been hyperbolized due to her overwhelming sense of guilt that she is not around. In reality, I am fine. Well fed. And completely cool staying home with Nana and Daddy. I sure do miss the home cooked meals though. I sure hope the GG gets better soon. And when that happens - MAAAAAMMMAAAAA! I want steak!!