Mama used to say that I eat like a horse. Have you ever heard anything so stupid?
I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy a nice meal and given the choice, I would probably eat 19 or 20 hours a day. That being said, I sincerely doubt that I eat as much as a horse, Miss Ridiculous/Mommy. I weigh 24 lbs for barking out loud. I’m only *knee-high*. I can’t possibly eat as much as a 1000 lb hoof – CAN I?
Um, no. obviously not. So aided and abetted by Daddy, we set out to prove Mama’s good for nothing, hyperbolizing butt a lesson. Me and Daddy went out GOT horses. Take that Mama. How do you like them apples?!
Well, that was two years ago. Mama sure did learn her lesson; I don’t eat NEARLY as much as my brother, Kash or my sister. Penny.
When Daddy told me we were going to get hoofies, I wasn’t terribly excited. “You’ll love them,” Daddy said. “Think of them like big dogs.”
Big dogs eh? *Really* big dogs.
My hoof brother, Promise Me Kash
My hoof sister, A Penny Promise
During the winter months, my hoofs have jobs and they stay at a special farm in a special barn, while they train and do their work. I don’t really care about them one way or another during the winter. Occasionally, I get a little miffed that Mama and Daddy spend so much time hanging out with them and NOT hanging out with me, but for the most part, in the winter, we steer clear of one another.
In the Spring and the summer though, that’s another story. In the Spring and Summer, my hoof siblings are unemployed. Lazy buggers just hang around, doing nothing, waiting to cash their Employment Insurance cheques. Since they aren’t working anyways, Mama and Daddy send them to their vacation house – the farm. That’s the good part. That’s the part that makes me glad I have hoof siblings, even if they do eat everything in sight and hog the Mama and the Daddy.
Oh, the Farm. How much do I thee? Let me count the ways???
First off, all the pastures are fences with both wood and mesh fencing, so Felix and I can roam free. JACKPOT! It’s like playing in the backyard – if you were a Trump and your backyard was the size of the Donald’s hair. J’adore. Seriously, there are few things in life better than a nice romp in a giant pasture. Just beware of bees.
Next, when you are done there is endless fun to be had in the barn itself! Barn cats are particularly interesting – spitting mad and not used to being shaken up by a puggle, it’s fun to push them right to the edge, then watch them lash out in a dazzling display of hissing and pizazz. we are allowed to play with the kitties all we want as long as both us and the kitties keep our yaps shut about it. As soon as the kitties start yowling away like a bunch of babies or we start barking our idiot heads off like bunch of insecure chihuahuas, it’s all over.
One of the best barn days is when the farrier (hoofy shoe salesman) comes. Those bits of hoof that he cuts of can be snapped up, taken to a quiet corner and munched on for as long as you like. Mama wont even give you trouble for this, so I like hoof trimmings better than hoofy pies.
Mama will fly off the handle like Cruella Deville if she catches you at the hoofy pies, so don’t even try it. I dunno what her problem is, but she just starts wailing like a banshee and waving her hands and generally loosing her mind. I think it’s rather selfish of her actually. We all realize she must be saving them for herself. Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s polite to share Mama?
The farm is a utopia of places to see and things to do – and that’s why I am SO EXCITED that farm season is here! Time to dig out my overalls and plaid, Koly’s headed back to the farm!
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