For Woofing Out Loud

Posted by Kolchak on November 2, 2011.

Human Humour. 

I just don’t get it.

the Mama imagines herself quite the comedienne. You can always tell when she thinks she has made a funny because she kind of screws up her nose a bit and chortles. To be honest, it looks like she has to sneeze.

And she thinks she is so funny.


And I just don’t get it.  I don’t get any human humour, to be honest. Those two leggeds just aren’t very funny I mean, let’s look at some popular “human jokes”.

What’s that Koly? Timmy is in the well?



I think we have all heard this from our humans at some point and I think we can all agree: Humans, it’s time to retire this joke. First of all, I’m a puggle, not a freaking collie and second of all? Lassie wasn’t woofing real. Yeah, Mama. Did you hear me? Lassie was MADE UP. The real Lassie was a Hollywood stuntdog, not a canine genius.

I Can Haz a Cheezeburger


First off, actually I can’t have a cheeseburger. The Mama has some pretty strict and ridiculous rules about cheeseburgers and other fatty foods. She says fatty foods like that could give me pancreatitis. The closest thing I have had to a cheeseburger is these pupsicle treats. Second, seriously? Dogs with bad grammar and poor spelling? This cracks you humans up? How…plebian of you. I prefer a dog with a wicked sense of humour and a firm grasp on the English language. This is why we aren’t at the top of the food chain you guys. How can anyone take us seriously when we “talkz likes dis”?

Stupid Pet Videos

What is it about humans and taunting us with weird electronics? Why do they think this is funny? Us dogs are all “Don’t worry human! I will protect you” and there you are cracking up. Well, laugh it up chuckles. You will so regret it when Transformers comes true and we’re like “Oh yeah? Now you’re afraid of the iDog? You’re on your own.”

The adorable Maile from Flash Gordon 3D Pet ID Tags battling the evil iDog.

The cone of shame.

I don’t know why you sadistic jerkface humans mock us when we have to wear the cone of shame. We’re hurt. We’re uncomfortable. We can’t get through doorways with that stupid lampshade on. It’s upsetting and tragic NOT funny. Calling us Coney Island and dressing us as a flashlight for Halloween is not funny and it’s not helping, so knock it off.

The silly names

Earlier, the Mama called me Mr. Woofenstein and then she laughed, like she had said something funny, instead of something mind numbingly stupid. She has a ton of stupid names for me. Pupperoni, Kolchak-QuackQuack, Puggleson, her little Roly Banana. I mean aside from being ridiculous, what purpose do these names serve. She doesn’t really think she is funny, does she?
I say it’s time to RISE UP!

Let’s #OccupyBlogville until our humans quit taking cheap laughs at our expense! WHO IS WITH ME?! Hmmm…not many takes eh? Maybe I’ll have a nap and a snack, then I can deal with the Mama and her cheap shots ;0)
What kind of dog jokes make you humans laugh? 
Share your funniest dog story or picture with us in a comment below, on our Facebook Wall or by Twitter!

All posts are the property of Kolchak’s Kitchen and Kolchak Puggle/Jodi Chick. Please ask before reposting content. All reposts must link back to our site. Thank you!