Frankly, I take offense to the notion that, I, Kolchak T Puggle could be involved in anything defined as “mischief.Scoff all you want, but I am a good boy. (HEY! Quit laughing and get typing Mama. I am a good boy. I AM! You just have unrealistic expectations. Humpf.)
I hold myself to very high standards of behavior, but sometimes, circumstances beyond my control require a tad bit of naughtiness.
For example, it’s been raining cats and dogs this weekend.
I hate the rain. I hate the cold. It has been soggy and wet here and I just can’t STAND it. It’s what the Mama likes to call the Long Wet here in Vancouver. It’s going to rain from now to about May or June.
Whose wise idea was it to live in a rain forest, Mama?!
Yeah, that’s right! We live smack dab in the middle of a rain forest and not even one of those cool rainforests with the Toucan Sam and the cast of Madagascar. No no,we have to live in the crappy rainforest. We don’t have colourful birds or playful chimps. When I tell the Mama that I’m going to come at her like a spider monkey it’s totally ironic because I’ve never even SEEN a spider monkey.
The coolest thing our rainforest has is Sasquatch.
Not very menacing.
And apparently, there’s a lot of debate over whether that dude is even real. He could be an urban legend for all I know. I mean, you’d think with the number of great day spas in Vancouver, he’d have found somewhere to get a nice wax job by now.
I digress. I was whining about the rain.
One of the worst things about being a dog is the expectation that we will go to the bathroom outdoors. It’s actually kind of gross. I don’t want the neighbors to watch when I am answering the call of nature! What if the pupparazzi catches me? *Oh the humiliation.* This ridiculous rule, combined with the 8+ months of rain we get each year means that going to the bathroom is often a wet miserable experience.
So this weekend, I decided I wasn’t going to put up with it anymore.
Unbenownst to the Mama, all weekend long, I pee’d on the deck. HA! Take your rules and shove it. If I have to go outside, I’m at least going under the cover of the deck. Got a problem with that Mama??
I am a reasonable puggle, but I don’t negotiate with terrorists.
And I do indeed classify anyone trying to convince me to go out in the rain as a terrorist. I even refused to go for a walk today because I just didn’t want to get wet. Frankly, it’s going to be a long winter. Maybe the Mama can convince the city to build an indoor dog walking ring, kind of like the indoor running oval?
If I have to go out and brave the elements, I want one of these:
HA! It’s an umbrella leash! How darn clever is that?? A must have for any Rain Coast dogs out there. You can get yours on Amazon for only $19.99.
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Maaaaaaamaaaaaa, where’s the Visa? I got some shopping to do!
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