The Zombie Chicken Beer Doggles
by Steve from the Gangs of New Yorkie
I observe. I take notes. And yes, my dog friends, zombies are already amongst us. This is an excerpt from the Zombie Beer Doggles Dossier.
The author researching at **** ***** ***** - Brooklyn, NY – October 2011
Just a little info on my background: my name is Steve and I am a yorkie. I married young, right out of obedience school – then came kids, picket fences, my very own 5 and a half-ish years suburban existence. You get the picture. However, after a big turn of events, I ended getting divorced and moved to NYC with my new parents to help run the Gangs of New Yorkie. That was about the time when I first came in touch with zombies.
I am used to bars. Heck, I even manage a bar called Pups. I am used to the mayhem of too much fun. I am a terrier, for pupsake! But I gotta tell you that humans are one weird-ass breed. When my parents sat me down to tell me that they would like to exposing me to all kinds of situations to help me socialize better (yeah right), little did I know that they meant I would have to learn to live with all species… Living or not! You see, my parents have the habit of taking me to bars whenever they want to hang out with their friends. That’s when I came to the conclusion that bars are nothing but the changing room for zombies.
Let me walk you through it: we get to the bar, grab a table, my mom pops up my collapsible bowl so I get some libations too (even though I must say that my choices are pretty limited in comparison) and within minutes you can just see them turning… That nice hipster guy that pet me on the way in? Give a couple of hours and a slurring, wobbling creature replaces him trying to get to me. That cute tattooed chick that just smiled at my pretty yorkie face? After I put the beer doggles on, it is just another clumsy arm reaching out for me. And no, I don’t think bar zombies are after my brain – I am well aware of my dogger charm.
Do you see where I am going, though? We are obviously irresistible to both humans and booze zombies – sloppy as they may be! So I ask you my canine friends: how can we benefit from this? Unfortunately the health department does not allow establishments that serve food to allow us in otherwise we were golden! I thought of good old blackmail, just getting the phone out & taking pictures is out of question as zombies are not particularly found of flashlights…
While you think of ways we can extort them, I will leave you with scenes of this years Zombie Crawl in my neighborhood.
Gangs of New Yorkie
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