Does your human get puppy-tongued?

Sometimes I think humans have lost their minds.


It starts when they bring home a puppy. Humans who previous to that moment spoke fluent and grammatically correct English fall to pieces in the presence of a puppy. They open their mouths to say something coherent and find that they have suddenly and tragically developed an odd lisp. It’s like they inhaled a bunch of helium or maybe like they’ve been turned into a cartoon character. In only moments, their vocabulary becomes severely degraded and jumbled. It happened to my Mama. She used to speak fluent English, then she got dogs. Now, one might hear her exclaim:

“Lookit the ittle baby pupperkins! Isn’t he da sweetest oogy thing that I ever did see?!”


That’s right folks. She got puppy-tongued. It happens to the best of them. They just can’t seem to help it. So, in an effort to help bridge the gap between Puppy-Tongued English and regular English (you know, the kind us educated canines speak.

Luf 
Usage: “I luf you so much.”
Commonly known in regular English as “love”. Humans usually coo this one at you when you are being really, really cute. When you hear this one come out, it’s time to turn on the charm. Luf = prime treat begging time.

Buppy
Usage: “How is my buppy pugglekins?”
Honestly, I am not sure if this one is supposed to be “baby” or “puppy or maybe some weird hybrid of the two. All I can tell you is that it seems to be a term of endearment.

Hongree
Usage: “Are you a hongree buppy?”
Commonly known in English an “hungry”. While it is initially difficult to discern what the human is asking you, the answer is always unequivocally YES.

Fanks
Usage: “Fanks for the itty smooches.”
This one got some press recently when dog owner Adele used it to thank people during her Grammy acceptance speech.

Ittle (variation: Itty)
Usage: Ittle baby Kolchak
This means little or small. Oddly, the Mama uses it to describes dogs of all sizes. I have seriously heard that nutbar exclaim “Lookit the itty newfoundland!”

Other phenomenons of the Puppy Tongue Dialect:

Adding the suffix “kins” to any noun or proper noun
Useage: pugglekins, Kolykins, cutiekins, et al
This is an attempt on the humans part to make every day things seem much cuter.

Rhyming
Useage: Nonsensical
Puppy tongued humans will often fall into a pattern of compulsive rhyming. For the Mama, that means she feels a need to called me Roly Poly Koly.

Alliteration:
Usage: Nonsensical
Humans will often succumb to the urge to use a long string of words that begin with the same sound – even if doing so will render the sentence jibberish. The Mama will often refer to me as Professor Poopy Puppy Pugglekins … the third. Seriously. It’s embarrassing.

I hear there are many different dialects of Puppy Tongue and that the phrases used might be different all over the world.

Do your humans suffer from Puppy Tongue? What are some of their favourite phrases?




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