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It seems to be that some of you pups with those tiny humans have invited an intruder into the house. I’m talking about the Elf on a Shelf.
What the woof you guys?!
That elf is like the creepiest thing I have ever seen. You let that weirdo in your house? You let him watch your children sleep? Isn’t there a registry for that kind of thing?
As if that wasn’t enough, that rotten little elf gets up to all sorts of mischief.
the Mama would flip right the woof out if she woke up to elf tracks in her flour. How unhygenic.
Elves have also been caught smearing toothpaste everywhere, toilet papering the Christmas Tree, and defacing family heirlooms.
Basically, that Elf is a petty vandal.
And that’s just the stuff you see. After dark, the elf is doing this stuff. Holy woof. Naughty Naughty Elf.
I guarantee you, my friends, if that stuff starts happening at Casa de Kolchak, the first person getting the blame will be me. It’ll be all “That’s enough, Kolchak” and “Go to bed, Kolchak” and “Elves that break into the house just to make a mess aren’t a thing, Kolchak”.
Dogs, it’s time to rise up and rid our homes of this weird little vandalising peeping Tom.
It’s our job to protect our homes and frankly, any of you with this weird little elf are falling down on the job.
Do what you’ve gotta do. Bite his head off, lock him in your crate, drown him in your water dish. Get rid of that thing by whatever means necessary. And stay vigilant, you know those little noises that go bump in the night? The humans may think they’re nothing and get all “HUSH! Kolchak!”, but we know that truth. That Elf is afoot and you never know what he’ll do next.
I’m putting my paw down. Casa de Kolchak is an elf-free zone. Who is with me?