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Once upon a time, not that long ago and not very far away, the Mama lived alone.
She claims that she was young and fun and cool. She says she was pretty happy back then. Frankly, I have my doubts. I mean how happy can you be when you don’t even have a puggle to snuggle? Clearly, her life was devoid of meaning or purpose.She really only had one thing going for her.
She got the big bed all to herself.
She claims that she was young and fun and cool. She says she was pretty happy back then. Frankly, I have my doubts. I mean how happy can you be when you don’t even have a puggle to snuggle? Clearly, her life was devoid of meaning or purpose.She really only had one thing going for her.
She got the big bed all to herself.
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| “This bed is so comfy!” said Mama. |
Then she met the Daddy.
While she had to share the bed, life was good. At this stage, they were still both toiling under the sad delusion that they were cool. Parties. Nightclubs. One boring, meaningless weekend after another. Nothing to make life worthwhile. No puggles. It must have been a terribly depressing way to live.
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| “We’ll live happily ever after”, she thought. |
At first, they shared the bed nicely.
But the Daddy is tall and the Mama is practically smurf sized. Even in heels, the Mama only comes up to his chest. They look stupid as woof together. This freakish height difference had one big advantage: when the daddy started hogging the bed, it was no big deal. I doubt the Mama even noticed. Besides, she was clearly numb to life. I mean you would have to be to go through life without a dog, right? How awful would that be?
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| “See how nice we share the bed?” |
Realizing that they were leading meaningless, boring, consumer-driven lives they took a step in the right direction and brought home the Felix.
Sad, sweet, simple-minded Mama laid out the rules: No dogs on the bed.
BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH HA HAH HA HA HA HA HA! HA!
Was she woofing insane? No dogs on the bed? How did she even intend to enforce that?! The second she fell asleep, the Daddy would call Felix up into the bed to snuggle. She caught him red-pawed. The Mama is exceptionally easy to bully and so, Felix took his place in the bed.
He went ahead and took the Mama’s pillow too.
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| “I miss my pillow.” |
In a moment of brilliance, the Mama decided Felix needed a dog of his own and they brought me home.
Finally their lives could really begin. It was like they had lived for years in the dark. No reason to smile. No reason for joy and then…there I was…like the sunshine at the end of a cold dark winter. Clearly, I am the best thing that ever happened to this family.
But I still needed a spot in the bed and the Daddy had become more bed-hoggy than ever.
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| “If I buy the bed, can I have a spot to sleep in it?” |
Mama is usually the last one to bed. Usually by the time she gets there, the pillows and blankets are otherwise occupied. Sorry Mama! You snooze, you lose. Maybe f you didn’t stay up all night tappity-tapping on that stupid craptop of yours, you might get some prime bed real estate.
The Mama has a dream.
She calls it “the double queen bed” and she swears that some day, it will be hers. Oh yes…it will be hers.
Just what is a a double queen bed? It’s two queen beds, pushed together, with a memory foam topper. Mama calls it a magical bed of happiness with more than enough room for all of us. She wants it so bad it hurts.
I’m not convinced.
I mean if the Mama is that uncomfortable, she can always sleep on that dog bed she insists on leaving on the floor. She’d fit! It’s a big bed. She’s a small human. It’s like they were made for each other. Now that I think of that, it’s the perfect solution! Mama can have the dog bed all to her own self!
Obviously, no one else around here is going to use it.
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Kellie
Friday 26th of December 2014
Two queens should do fine, unless doggies like to move about at night, then it CAN feel too small at times!
But it looks like Hubby is tall... try 2 Kings w/1 sideways(for Hubby) ... separate sheets & comforters of course, but all still in one bed! Use a third matching comforter for the joint folded to fill in gap but overlay onto both beds (designated sleep area for the doggies & easier to clean frequently) + a finished look when beds are made (if ever!).
Dreams do come true!
Kolchak
Friday 26th of December 2014
I absolutely LOVE the way you think! LOL
Robin
Saturday 15th of November 2014
I had a double queen size bed and two dogs and a hubby....still not big enough.
Kolchak
Saturday 15th of November 2014
WAIT?! A double-queen bed IS A THING? Hmmmm and a thing that still isn't big enough?! *cries*
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