My Mom’s Gone Crazy

Back in the glory days, when Mama was young and cool, she was a huge Eminem fan.

Actually, she’s still a huge Eminem fan.

Don’t be hatin’. She knows he says some awful stuff, she knows he isn’t politically correct, but whatevs – she ♥s him and his music. And yes, she considers it music. If she can dance to it – it’s music. And oh. my. dog. You should see her dance to it. It looks like she’s having a seizure.

Eminem’s Hailie Jade had it right when she said “My Dad’s Gone Craaaaazy!”. Great song. Catchy hook, fab lyrics, adorable blonde girl, deranged Dad. What more could a song need?

Well, not to be a copy-dog or anything, but “My Mom’s Gone Crazy”.

See this?

That is what Mama had for dinner on Monday night. Looks good right?

OF COURSE IT LOOKS GOOD! That’s not human food! THAT’S PUGGLE FOOD! What is she thinking? That women done gone and lost her mind.

It all started this weekend, when Mama caught a hot deal at the butcher shop. His baby tartlette daughter has been helping in the shop. She’s 19, cute and she puts the “duh” in dumb. But her idiocy was our gain! She ordered these itsy, bitsy frozen baby pork tenderloins. Being smart as a whip, she left the WHOLE CASE out to defrost. Now, our butcher specializes in only FRESH, LOCAL, ORGANIC meat. This Pork tenderloin was none of those things. This is actually the best part of the story. Seriously, I love our butcher. He called Mama to tell her about all this pork tenderloin and offered to sell it to her *at cost* to make into dog treats. JACKPOT! Seriously, can’t beat that. We jumped at the offer and Mom has spent the last 48 hours breaking down and dehydrating Oinker Chews, Piggies in Blankets and Porky Poppers. Seriously, dehydrated and vacuum sealed, we now have like a 6 month stash.

BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE FOR WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!

You’re smart dogs. Can you see where this is going? Those yummy looking meat chunks on top of those delicious looking beans on top of that mouth watering rice bed? Oinker Chews.

*MY* Oinker Chews.

Mama ate my treats for dinner. I am still in shock. How the vick does something like this even happen? Humans aren’t supposed to eat dog treats? Mama already hogs all the human food in the house, now she’s gonna start eating my food too?!?! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS DOG-NABBIT!

She came home from work tonight and set to work breaking down the last few tenderloins into strips, arranged them in the dehydrator then headed off to the human hamster wheel. When she came home, she was ravenous. She said she was so hungry she could eat a horse. I was instantly concerned for the safety and well being of my hoof siblings, Kash & Penny. But I could never have guessed what would happen! The Oinker Chews were in the dehydrator sloooooowly cooking away. They smelled *great*. Apparently Mama thought so too. While she was sauteing her beans & carrots and prepping the rice, she popped one into her mouth. Just to taste it.

**It was great** It was only a little done, crispy on the outside, still tender and slow cooked on the inside. “”Hmmmmm”, Mom thought, “Needs spice.” So she shook a little pepper on – and she *ate another one*.

OMD, I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Am I being Punked? Ashton! You can come out now!

It was surreal and it only got worse. Mama arranged her veggies on her tidy bed of rice, grabbed a handful of half done Oinker chews and tossed them on top. A little salt, a little pepper, and just a drizzle of sweet and sour sauce and off she went.

Mama had Oinker Chews for dinner. She’s finally flipped her wig. Better get her fitted for her white coat and padded room. I think my mom’s gone crazy.

♪ ♫ ♪
[Koly:]
There’s really nothin’ else to say I, I can’t explain it
I think my mom’s gone crazy!

[Mom:]
A little help from Koly P. won’t you tell em’ baby

[Koly:]
I think my Mom’s gone crazy!
♪ ♫ ♪

******
Want to make Oinker Chews of your own? Simply lice pork tenderloin and pop it into a counter top dehydrator over night! Ours is a NESCO, at under $100, these dehydrators are a great buy and you can make almost all of our treat recipes in them!

**Please note that we received no promotional consideration from NESCO for this endorsement, but if they wanted to send us stuff, that would be freaking sweet***

All posts are the property of Kolchak’s Kitchen and Kolchak Puggle/Jodi Chick. Please ask before reposting content. All reposts must link back to our site. Thank you!